I have not been online for the past few weeks for a very important and totally astounding reason: As of 8 P.M. November 11, 2012, my battle with CFS was brought to an end by the Hand of God, Himself. This is my testimony:
A few days before the 11th, I had endured a very horrendous crash. However, I have never allowed my illness to keep me from reaching out to others. On the morning of that day of deliverance, I had not been feeling well, but I wanted to minister to the hearts of as many people I could reach with my limited resources and strength, so I created the page “You Are Amazing!” Because I wanted all to know just how incredible they are and that they have so much to give to this world and to their lives. It took most of the day for me to research and compile all the links that went along with the post that I wrote, as I wanted there to be more than just words of encouragement; I wanted articles, songs, and other sources of empowerment to aid those reading the words that I spoke.
I was almost finished putting the page together when my computer crashed and all the work that I had done was lost except for the first paragraph and a couple other sentences. Rather than becoming upset at all the work that I had done, I simply began the process of putting it all together again, knowing that it was costing my body more and more in effort and energy. But I did not care. All I cared about was spreading as much love and encouragement to as many people as I could reach, so I sacrificed my body knowing full well the price that I would pay for offering myself. (The Bible says, “Greater love has no man than this; that a man lay down his life for his friends.” And since I consider every soul on this planet my friend, I gladly lay down my physical and mental life and energy so that my “friends” would know just how amazing that they are. And you ARE amazing! Never forget that!)
I worked all that day and as far into the afternoon and evening as I could, posting the link in as many places as I could once I had finished the page. I worked until I was in so much pain that I could no longer move. I went downstairs and could barely walk and had a cigarette. I told the Lord that I was offering up my pain as a sacrifice of praise to Him. My head was so stiff that I could not move it and I could barely get up the stairs, but I was praising God all the way, holding onto the wall for support.
My body felt like it was in traction and I was in such pain that the tears would not even flow, but all I was feeling was great love for people and for the God that I serve. I put on my favorite praise and worship music. Before the second worship song ended, I felt the presence of God, which I did not think much of because I often feel His Presence when I am worshipping and praising Him. All of a sudden, though, I became aware that all of the pain in my body was gone. It just evaporated like a warm mist.
At the same time I noticed the absence of pain, I became aware that my body, which has felt as though it has been awake for four long years, was in an active state of rest. My body was actually simulating the movement of deep REM sleep although I was awake. A feeling of indescribable peace overtook my body and I experienced such a deep peace and sense of wholeness, completeness, and satisfaction that I had ever known. For four years, my body had only known pain and debilitating exhaustion that can only be felt and not simply described…and both of those conditions were gone. THEY WERE GONE!
My sister called me during this period and I wept as I told her what had happened and we both thanked and praised the God of Heaven for giving me a bona fide miracle.
I had spent the previous eight months completely bedridden. But after that miracle, I was out of bed the very next morning showering, doing my laundry, the dishes, dancing, and any and everything else I wanted to put my hands to! I cannot describe the wonder and the thrill of being able to walk again. To be able to sit up. To be able to ride in a car. To go to prayer and to church again and to do the things with my sister that I had not been able to do since I moved in with her and my broinlaw because I was so ill.
I have been walking around the neighborhood. I have been dancing. This afternoon, I went out to eat with my sister and broinlaw and we went for a long drive. I wanted to hit the highway and ride forever. Tonight, my sister and I went for a drive and then went to Wally World. It was so wonderful to be able to walk up and down the aisles without getting fatigued or tired.
It is beyond wonderful feeling the energy and vitality that now flows through my body all the time now. My sleep has been restored. God has truly given my a miracle.
But as much as I rejoice in the physical miracle of my health being returned to me, the true miracle to me is what God has done in my life and in my heart. I no longer see life the way that I used to, thanks to CFS and the other things that I have suffered in my life. While there is no way that I would EVER want to endure the sufferings I have in my life again, I am grateful for every single thing that I have suffered because not only has suffering made me into the woman that I am today, but it has taught me so many lessons and has given far more to me than it has taken away and I have all those experiences to carry me throughout the rest of my life and I am able to help others to see and know that their suffering truly does have meaning, though that meaning may be obscured at the moment by pain and confusion.
I write this blog, not as an advocate of suffering, or one who would say to you that what you are suffering or going through is an act of God to “teach you a lesson.” I say it as one who has learned through her sufferings, that your life can be fulfilling, have great meaning, and that life, no matter how bad, is never over. Nothing is ever lost for good. That while suffering can delay happiness, it cannot prevent it. Not entirely, and certainly not forever.
I pray that every single sufferer of CFS finds themselves in the same state of health and euphoria that I have been experiencing since the Lord healed my body. Yes, there is a God. And, yes, He can, does, and still heals today. I am a living witness.
God bless you all.