Afraid of This Journey

I do not know what to write, but that is okay. All I need to know is that God told me to write this blog and that is precisely what I am going to do. In His time and in His way, He will show me where He wants me to go. All I have to do is be obedient and start typing and the waters will be parted before me. So, let’s see where this particular entry is going to take me…

I don’t know why I am having such a difficult time writing about suffering, since that is all that I have been doing for such a long time. One would think that the words would be gushing out of me, instead of this trickle of fear that is now coursing through my body.

Just what is it that I am afraid of? On the one hand, I do not know specifically what it is that causes me to hesitate to type. On the other, I know full well that I do not want to go back to the places that brought me such pain and despair. I don’t want to revisit any of the things that remind me of all that was taken away from me because I fear that it will only hurt me again and I don’t want to ride the pain train anymore. (Yet, I know in my heart and spirit that this particular train leads to victory. Only, a big part of me could care less about victory. That part of me that wants to avoid pain and discomfort and would prefer to be left alone is doing its best to keep the me that wants to be free and also help others quiet. That part of me is going to lose this particular battle of fear because not only am I going to confront my fear, I am going to persevere and send it right back to hell from whence it came.)

I have suffered so many things is so many ways that I hardly know where to begin. Perhaps it will be best to simply start with my present suffering and then let the chips fall where they may, so to speak. And so, I shall…

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